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Match L: Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen | Ikou

Started by Luca, September 28, 2021, 03:08:41 PM

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In a battle of lore versus legend, whose tale or tail will be remembered?

Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen
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4 (100%)

Total Members Voted: 4

Voting closed: September 30, 2021, 03:08:41 PM



Write up an example of a battle in any form you choose. Be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. Be analytical and methodical or fanciful and storylike. Whichever you like best. Then vote in the poll to reflect how your match has turned out. The results of the poll will determine the outcome and a canonical shitpost will be developed which expresses that result. You are not required to write a battle post to vote, although it is recommended.

Votes will only be displayed after the poll closes.

        Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen

Age: (possibly) 111 years old
Magic: 5
Command:10 (the army of the living dead

    He is number 1

    Commands an army of humanoid skeletal fish

    Possesses the soda drink hat, and if it is he gets angry and the thief is CURSED

    Wields a blade made from a swordfish skull

    Can cast confusion on an enemy by showing them a floating shopping list or a ghost doodle                                                                                                                             



• Cute
• Fire Lizard
• Not very skilled
• Some fireballs maybe!

Ikou is a smol lizard from a village in the Empire. They are attending magic school, so they're not very good at spells yet, but the true fire was the drive they felt inside themselves all along!


          Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen





Hunter Leptk

Ikou was hesitant to undergo this assignment.
They had never been to the bottom of the ocean. That was cool!
But raiding a graveyard...
Less cool.
Still, they had to pass their potion ingredient collection class, and that required going on this trip.
The ingredient that they were after was a...#1 soda-dispensing hat!!?
Using the water-breathing potion, donning an anti-pressure charm, grabbing their shovel and putting on their sink boots, large and uncomfortable stone sneakers, Ikou slid from the floating hot air balloon into the (surprisingly) warm water.
Waving goodbye to their instructors, Ikou submerged.

Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen was having a good day. Undesturbed.
When, all of the sudden... Chk! Chk! Chk! Sunlight began streaming into his crypt. A small reptilian hand reached in and grabbed his hat!

Ikou never expected the fish skeleton to animate itself.
To be truthful, they screamed, very loud.
A strange rasping sound emitted from the shambling bones, slowly coalescing into words "Hey man, that's my hat, give it back!"
"I'm sorry" Ikou answered "I need this for a potion"
The bone shamble glared at them. It straightened its (very visible) spine. "Fine. I guess I'm gonna have to take it from you."
Ikou took a step back, frantically glancing around for some sign of a necromancer. There was no way that this skeleton was animated all on its own! There must have been some powerful mischief at hand.
"How exactly would you take it?" They worriedly questioned.
 "Only an army of the living dead."
A strange assortment of undead undersea creatures began rising from their graves.
Ikou gathered their courage. "I am warning you, I am a powerful fire mage!"
"As am I," Smitty replied.*
With a snap of Smitty's skinless fingers, the undead fishlings struck.
Ikou rolled into a crouch, dodging the first of the skeletons, and summoned a ball of glowing green flame. The most powerful trick they had learned yet. Feind fire.
They launched off a stream of the stuff and the air water began to fill the scent of sulfur. The feind fire was hungry, almost living and fed on everything, burning skeletons and water alike.
Enraged by the sudden decimation of his army, Smitty unsheathed his swordfish skeleton blade, Smotey.
Charging at the tiny lizard, Smitty hollered a war cry a drove his weapon strait for the small of their back.
Ikou barely managed to roll out of the way in time, but it had worked. Smitty had fallen into their trap.
The sigils on the ground where Ikou had just been crouched alit with a green glow, activating the lifetap trap, a perfect for catching necromancers.
But Smitty just sighed and disintegrated.
It was an illusion!
The real Smitty was right behind them!
Smitty brought down Smotey apon the startled lizard, but before he could deliver the killing blow, they shot upwards through the water at imagined speed.
Cutting through the surface, Ikou had no regrets. They had escaped the undersea graveyard and had left those uncomfortable sink boots at the bottom of the ocean.

*Minus the fire part


The Imperial Academy's floating islands were high enough from the surface of the Empire that seasons were a strange thing to witness. The heat of summer was dulled, with the season only being marked by the penetrating brightness of the sun. The claws of winter's chill didn't seem to affect them on the island, though the cloud cover beneath the islands seemed infinite and impenetrable. Spring was marked by the blooming of the abundant flowers across the campus, and autumn could be most noted by the leaves changing colour.

It was in this watercolour of striking reds and bright yellows that Ikou found themself sitting quietly on a wooden bench in the shape of an open book, reading one of their school texts. Some of the other students said they couldn't read outside, but Professor Raliph had been very clear that students could read wherever they wanted on campus, as long as the books wouldn't get hurt by the weather, and that was good enough for Ikou. Their small boots kicked happily as they dangled over the edge of the bench.

P̸̹͇̦͆͗s̶̞̾̔ṡ̸̻t̷̛̬̥͛̈́,̸̢͇̍́̎ ̶͖̇h̴̡͎̮̽̾͗e̴̮͋̀y̴̞͕̣͐̓ ̸͔̃k̴̮̞̲͂i̶͖̓d̷̞̗͎̀̌̑.̵̝̄̈

They looked up, eyes wide. "Hi?"

Ç̵̾o̴͓͂ṁ̸͇e̴̹͛ ̶͎͛ḥ̶͘é̷͉r̵͈͝e̸̟̔.̶̩̀

The voice was coming from behind the greenhouse, a place where the cute bunny boy and the other plant mages spent most of their days studying. Ikou was sometimes a little jealous of that; they wanted to make big cool fireballs, but they came from a place that was dry and hot, the ground covered with a fine layer of ash. Being among all these plants was so cool! They just wanted to be outside forever here. But fireballs came first.

Ikou closed the book and sat it tenderly on the bench to save their spot. Other students didn't come this far out very often, but it was still their spot and they wanted to make sure nobody else took it. Grabbing their staff from next to the bench, the kobold turned and bravely(!) made their way behind the greenhouse, into the thick shrubbery that ringed the building. "Hello strange voice person."

What they found shocked and confused them. It was a floating shopping list! Worse yet, it was full of all the things they didn't want to eat! There was bacon and eggs and milk and cheese and bread - actually bread was pretty okay, they liked bread. What could this mean? "Hi shopping list, I'm Ikou. Did you need me to get something for you?"

I̴ ̴n̴e̷e̸d̸ ̶y̸o̵u̴...̷ ̶t̷o̶ ̷d̶i̸e̴!̶

Ikou jumped back, pulling their staff in front of them and beginning to focus on a fireball spell. They weren't very good at these, but they'd learned a lot! The shopping list disappeared, revealing the very old skeleton of a fish man. Spiderwebs had gathered all over his body, which was a bit strange, since there weren't any spiders on the islands. The most interesting thing about the skeleton was that it wore a striking red, white, and blue hat with a big "#1" emblazoned across the front. Rings on either side of the hat held decrepit, ancient metal cylinders, no doubt full of some nefarious alchemical reagent. But the skeleton didn't move. It wasn't like the fantasy stories Ikou had grown up reading, where the skeletons would come to life and fight with big swords in an epic fight against the backdrop of the setting sun... or a forest fire sometimes. Or in a lightning storm! That would be really cool, oh goodness.

But this was just a skeleton. And nothing was happening. After a few moments of waiting, Ikou lowered the staff, walked to the skeleton, and took the hat off of it. Everything seemed to be pretty much in order, nothing really out of the ordinary. Well, except for the fact that there was a body in the first place. What had the voice been? Was it the hat? Another student pranking them? It was hard to tell. Either way, they'd make sure to tell an administrator about a whole skeleton behind the greenhouse. That probably wasn't very sanitary. The hat would be theirs though.

Ikou blinked, then licked their eye, and walked back to study their book.

Ikou Wins!