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Messages - Rea

#1
General Discussion / Re: General Discussion
January 14, 2020, 08:15:25 AM
Why do I think the sentient piano and Streep would get along rather than fight, though??
#2
General Discussion / Re: horror games are cool
January 12, 2020, 02:03:53 PM
It was the worrrrst, luckily the rest of Chrono was amazing!

I think the yoga clan bit is the only real stealth part of BotW, so if you can get past it the rest of the game is fine. If I remember correctly.

But like when I first played Ocarina of Time, I got so scared of that darn well and Shadow temple that I quit playing for months.
#3
General Discussion / Re: General Discussion
January 12, 2020, 12:05:58 AM
I'm up to trying that idea, Natalie. I think it could be pretty cool to have a movie night. My experiences with that kind of thing in the past has been a little disappointing because it's hard to get everyone in one place at the same time, but I'd still be up to try it out I think.

I'm striking out horror movies, teeheeeeee, but what other movies could we watch? I'm thinking cheesy crap.

I've been hearing so much about ecosia, maybe with a link I might actually try it out xD
#4
General Discussion / Re: horror games are cool
January 11, 2020, 11:58:00 PM
Are you talking about the Yuga clan bit, Copyn? I hate stealth, I will nope out of a game so fast, though I made it through the Yuga bit by running around purposely after getting caught. It was kind of funny watching them chase me. I got my revenge by stealing all of the banananas on every. Single. Attempt.

I struggle with Majora's Mask as well.

See, like, in Fallout 3 I never did stealth. If I couldn't barge in with my trusty flaming baton of glory and destroy everything to pieces, the mission never got did.

I hate stealth.

I LOVE watching horror games, though. Literally one of my favorite things to do. Play?

Nnnnnnnnope. I'm with y'all there. I think from reading your reactions, I'm probably still more okay with it than any of you, so if we ever did a collab thing where we stupidly decided to play a horror game, I would be okay being the one playing while you all could watch :D I WOULD TAKE THAT BULLET FOR YOOOOOOU!!!

Any game that gives me anxiety I search for on Youtube and usually there's a good ending version.

EDIT: The game that gave me the MOST anxiety, though, wasn't horror. It was frikkin Chrono Trigger, that point where you go back in time with I think Luca's mom where she gets trapped in the freaking conveyor belt and you have a limited amount of time to save her before HER LEGS GET TRAPPED IN THE FREAKING MACHINE AND SHE WINDS UP IN A WHEELCHAIR FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.

THAT SCARRED ME SO BAD.
#5
General Discussion / Re: 2019 Retrospective
January 10, 2020, 12:40:14 AM
I like the whole decade idea.

Trigger warning for, like, SO MUCH DEPRESH. I'm going to seem a bit distanced in this, FYI. There's a lot I don't remember, and a lot I try not to think about for too long.

2009 (for those interested, namely, Jens and Kyrie)
I joined Zeldafront.

2010
I was taking music classes, but not actually thinking about going to college. I didn't really think about anything. My whole childhood I just told myself, "Maybe I'll die next year." And then that became the year after that and the year after that. I'd been depressed my whole life, so it was nothing new and I had no idea it wasn't normal to just want to die every second of every day.

What I learned later is that I didn't want to die, I was just in so much pain and agony and fear that I was numb, and that can make you want to die just to escape it.

2011
I saw a chance to escape my weird home life and I made a crack decision to move to my college town with my brother and audition for the piano department. I got accepted. I started college. I met the person that would change my life forever. It's not a love story. When I was around her, for the first time I wasn't in any pain or discomfort, and I actually thought, once, "Hey, if I felt like this all the time, I'd be fine living forever."

Then that person got literally ripped out of my life by circumstance, and I've never recaptured that sense of safety, no matter how I've tried. BUT. I finally realized wanting to die every second and having violent ideations every five minutes wasn't normal or healthy and no, it wasn't "not a big deal" it was a BIG DEAL. But I didn't know how to get help.

I decided, wisely if you ask me, that I was too effed up to date, so I specifically didn't. Even before I understood exactly how messed up I was, I knew I didn't need to be dating anybody. It just seemed like a really bad idea.

2012
I told my parents while I was home for the summer that I wanted to go to therapy and that I was getting worse. They said sure, sure, sure, kept promising they'd help me--I honestly didn't feel like I could start by myself, you know? I didn't even know where to go, who to talk to, or how to start. I needed someone to be like, hey, here's a good place, a good doctor, go here.

In short, I felt I had no support.

My dad starts sabotaging my college career.

I started going to therapy secretly using my school's free program.

My mom calls me up and threatens to disown me financially if I don't get a fucking therapist or a church or something . . . blah blah blah.

So I tell her I've got one, even though it was none of her business.

2013-14
Somewhere in here I met my best friend for the next few years. She was great. We hung out together a lot. I finally decide after going through a few years of intense therapy--we're talking 2-3 group therapy sessions on top of my weekly private session every semester--that it's not getting better and I need meds. I had a wonderful doctor who I am eternally grateful to, I was able to talk to him about everything, and he believed me.

I got really lucky. Most people have to try out a dozen or so meds before finding one that works. I found one immediately.

It was like someone just came and cleaned out my head. I mean, it wasn't the same as when I met that person that changed my life, not in the happy way, but I was happy. I didn't have violent ideations anymore, or other intrusive thoughts.

I suddenly had so much space in my brain! I could get up in the morning without a thousand page checklist.

I could SPEAK.

I never realized my "filter" was always just because I had a depression fog over my head that made speaking sometimes literally impossible.

I started cursing totally by accident XD

I realized this was how it was for other people. They could just wake up and think about whatever they wanted to do. DO whatever they wanted to. And speak.

I felt both bitter about their lack of understanding, and empathetic toward myself. It was a weird feeling. I try not to be mad about my place in life and focus on the present, but sometimes it just gets me down, you know? Like, why couldn't I have been like everyone else? Especially since every doctor and therapist I've ever met has said my mental problems are entirely situational.

(Cue me starting to cut family members out of my life.)

Other things about having a different brain were weird, too. Things people would say that would seem so inspiring to them but that before I was triggered by or hated, were suddenly inspiring to me. Like, I was in the same headspace as them and it totally made sense why they would feel that way.

For that reason, I no longer judge people for how they think or even what they think. I acknowledge it and treat it as appropriately as possible, but I do not judge it. Or try not to. You get what I mean. I don't WANT to judge it anymore.

2015
I'm feeling really good. My parents' marriage is basically trash still, family life still sucks, I'm cutting people off, but I'm feeling good, I feel like I'm getting a handle on life, there's some hope left. I go back to college in August for another year, and money's tight so I might not get to come home as much during the semester, but I know it's going to be okay because I'm going to get healthier and I'm going to become a boss and I am going to come back and fix everything. I am trying to be the older sister I wished my older brothers had been toward me. My little brother was getting ready to go to college, and I wanted to hang out with him there. Like I needed to be done with this depression shit. I NEEDED to. We were hanging out more, and I was more present like I hadn't really been since I was little. I went to all this therapy, yes, for myself, but also because I wanted to be there for my little brother. I mean, you got to have a reason, right?

My little brother killed himself two days after I left for college.

So.

2016
I went back to college in the spring because I didn't know what else to do, but I took mostly online classes. This was a kind of depression I'd never had before. None of my coping skills worked. None of the therapy worked. Mindfulness? Useless. Yoga. Useless. Meditation, whatever. Nothing worked. Literally nothing worked. I didn't know what to do. I was back in therapy, but nothing worked. I got off my meds with my doctor and therapist's approval.

Yeah, you heard that contradiction correctly. I don't really know.

I would wake up at night or still be up, go to denny's, and stay there for literally hours, just studying because I didn't want to be in my bed in the dark.

My parents finally got divorced. There were several court dates. My mom got a concussion. She got thyroid cancer.

I had a falling out with somebody I cared deeply about.

My professor started being a dick to me, and I still don't know exactly why.

In December, I had a horrific PTSD episode that would put me in bed for six months on a medication that knocked me out mentally and physically, but it was either that or die of fright.

I don't remember much about those six months so we skip to the summer of

2017
I get my first real job cleaning a hospital. I have an amazing boss who basically is like a dad figure to me and who ends up finding out everything about me and my crazy life. I've lost contact since then due to just general shyness, or something, I'm not sure, but I'm still really happy to have met him and I think about him ALL the time.

At some point either this year, the year before, or the next year, I start having to deal with Disability Resources at school to get my professor to not treat me like crap and so that I can actually graduate. We set up a plan.

2018
I meet my now ex-fiance. Honestly? I had gotten to the point where my depression was not getting better, to the point that I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. I just wanted to live my fullest for whatever time I had left, because I felt like I would be dying at any moment. And I figured, while I'm trying to live my best life until Depression finally wins, maybe I'll find an answer. Even when I'm dying I'm clinging to life.

That's having depression for me.

So I had a bucket list.

My therapist was telling me to date around, my friends were telling me to, my boss was telling me to, I just figured what the heck? Might as well give it a try, see what the big deal is about . . .

I wanted to know what it was like to be in a relationship. I wanted to be in love with somebody, and to care for them and do things for them and all that romantic bullshit. I think there are loves you choose, and I chose to love who I thought she was, and I honestly really did. It didn't take my depression away, but it didn't need to. I thought she understood what I was going through, and I thought she was alright going through it with me, so I had no hesitation or guilt. I was up front with everything I knew how to be, my past, my family, my brain, everything. I exposed myself utterly. It wasn't a mistake. I mean I was happy with my life and carrying the weight of my brother's death around. She accepted me as I was. Or, I thought she had.

I loved the person I thought she was, and as soon as that was stripped away to the liar underneath it sort of ended. I still thought we could be friends, though.

Boy was I wrong.

She ended up knifing me in the back in an irreparable way.

I'm surprised I'm okay.

Also, I graduate!!!

2019
I pay rent to two places until April because my ex is so filthy I can't stay at the apartment we have together anymore. I start my piano teaching business.

Since then it's been work, work, work!

I got off my meds again, and so far so . . . good?

I've also gotten more serious about writing. I have four projects set up and I don't see myself really failing at them, but we'll see! And failing doesn't scare me.

I'm rekindling a relationship with one of my other brothers now, which is a shock (aside from my mom and him I don't have contact with my family). I hang out at his and his family's place every week now. I still don't get it, but I'm enjoying it, so that's a good thing going in my life right now.

2020
This month I am going to see if I break even on my bills or if I need to get another job on top of teaching piano. I have a side gig I do, but otherwise it's just piano. I've been really successful with it.

Kind of an aside but I finished reading Elton John's biography which is honestly life changing for me. 100/10 would recommend. For the first time I felt like maybe, as an LGBT person and as crazy as my mind is, there's at least a CHANCE I'll be okay. I mean when you read all the shit he did and went through, ANYTHING is possible . . .

I still don't get what family is, I'm not planning on dating anyone anytime soon because I am DONE with that until I'm financially stable and a bit more on top of my mental health. I'm working on figuring myself out, but that's something that's never completely done I feel like.

Cross your fingers for me!
#6
Roleplay / Re: OoC: A Voice from the Storm
December 23, 2019, 03:42:27 AM
It's not problematic at all! The other players' characters are currently asleep, I think.

Leeva is basically a mass of branches and roots and leaves that's animated by life energy. They can shapeshift into anything a mass of branches might morph into, like a weird stick statue that moves, basically.

As far as size, they usually come up to about a human adult's knee.
#7
Roleplay / Re: OoC: A Voice from the Storm
December 23, 2019, 02:27:14 AM
Leeva knows common ^.^ They also speak the traditional language of Trees . . . because they're . . . you know . . . a tree sprite . . .

I'm Brilliant!

Happy Holiday!!!
#8
I paved a road between Leeva's and the Stamp Society, and I also built a blue rock foundation snow shelter in the sky.
#9
Roleplay / Re: OoC: A Voice from the Storm
December 22, 2019, 05:42:37 PM
I actually didn't know what the flag looked like, haha! There are so many flags I really don't keep track.

If you waved a flag with a pineapple with sunglasses on it and told me THAT was the enby flag, I would go with it.

I'm excited for Ram's reply to Leeva, Cas :3 Don't be nervous, unpredictability is the spice of RP!

Thanks for the description, it helps me to know how Leeva can react if I know what they're seeing. Like I didn't know if Ram was tall, tiny, furry, young, old, etc. Now I do :3

Leeva appreciates appearances of all kinds!
#10
Roleplay / Re: OoC: A Voice from the Storm
December 22, 2019, 12:54:02 PM
Hey Cas!

I just posted a reply, it's a collab post between me and Kyrie that we've been working on, so now we're all together ^.^

I might have missed it, is there a description of Ramar somewhere? I have no idea what they look like.

ALSO do we have three nonbinary people in one place? Because WOOT where's my flag???
#11
When the figure placed their hand on the tree, Leeva felt them. They seemed very curious, and alien. They had thought it was only humans here, but this person was . . . different. At first Leeva wasn't sure if they were intentionally sending their energy out, but then the figure spoke—

—In a language Leeva wasn't sure they understood.

They shook their head. They understood, but not exactly the words, because words weren't the meaning. They had expected the person to speak in Human, not Tree.

THEY REALLY CAN SPEAK TREE!!

There was one thing Leeva knew. This person wasn't dangerous to them. They collected their roots and swung under the branch they perched on, lowering themself until they hung right next to the person down below.

Leeva stared at the figure curiously from the blue lights of their consciousness. Their face was almost translucent, but strong featured, a forehead tattoo. In a way, it almost felt like they weren't there at all, or as if the tiniest wind could blow them away. It was like they had Gone Away, the way trees do.
Leeva changed the blue color of their consciousness to match the other's gray eyes, and instinctively shaped their branches and leaves into a humanoid face like the one they were examining. It was shaped differently from the humans they'd met. Pretending to use their new mouth, they spoke to the person, experimentally, quietly, "Hello."

"Hello," he responded, seeming unconcerned about this meeting.

"Who are you?" they asked curiously.

"My name is Rizali Corvus," he said. "I'm a mage from east of the forest. I apologise if our fire has caused upset or stress, I sought permission beforehand."

Leeva tilted their head. So they had heard the other trees. How much did they understand, though? "They're just nervous, they don't know you very well." Leeva dropped to the ground, briefly severing their Tree connection. They stood on their branches and looked up at the towering person who called himself a mage. Leaves sprouted from Leeva's head and other branches and fluttered over each other until they formed a hood around their head, and a cape, similar to the one Rizali wore, but in ridiculous miniature. "You're not human."

Suddenly Leeva remembered their manners. "Oh! I'm sorry. My name's Leeva." If they were human, they would have blushed. "Everybody knows everybody here. Inter, iteno, inroductorty . . . anyway, learning people's names is new to me."

They couldn't help but think Sine would be disappointed in them . . . but happy that they eventually remembered!

"Hmm," the mage said, seeming to think a little deeper about what had happened before. "I certainly apologise for making them nervous. I'm not human, no, I'm an elf. My people live in a forest far away from here, and have for a very long time. Everyone knows everyone else there as well, and the trees have grown to trust us. It was thoughtless of me to assume the same familiarity here. Anyway, it's nice to meet you, Leeva."

Leeva had never thought of another forest existing anywhere else. Or did he mean the same forest, but far away? There were definitely parts of the Kingfisher Forest they didn't know about. "Th-there are other forests in the world? Really?"

He seemed to get excited, leaning forward as he continued. "Oh yes, absolutely. The area around this forest is actually quite strange, because it has no trees. Once you travel a little way, forests start appearing again, including the one I came from on the far end of this country!"

The way his face lit up as he spoke of other forests made Leeva like him a lot. Surely they could trust somebody who loved forests this much? They let the message flow through their roots and through the ground to the rest of the forest. Then they said, in a wondering voice, "I'd like to see them someday." They felt the disapproval of their mother at the edge of their mind. Without thought, they scurried right next to Rizali's boot, considered, then jumped up to his shoulder, where they could speak without the forest hearing Leeva's thoughts. They covered both shoulders with their size. "You really shouldn't trust just any old tree here, you know."

"Why's that?"

"We ARE protecting something. We're not exactly trying to bring people inside. Some of us are more bloodthirsty than others, and most of the trees are so old or young they don't care anymore, but there is still much of the forest that won't want you here. A tree here might shelter you with its branches as its roots upturn your house."

"Fortunately we're not planning on living here," he laughed. "I anticipate we will cause as little fuss as possible as we travel to the other side. And I hope we reach that other side quickly."

Leeva sighed. He didn't get it. The trees didn't want them to find the other side, either. But that was alright. They leapt from his shoulder and landed on the ground again. "Just remember, every night before you sleep, find a tree who is friendly and shelter beneath them. They'll protect you from the other trees."

"I promise that I will." He leaned back against the tree once more. "So tell me about you, Leeva. What was it that brought you here? How are you able to move around but also communicate with the trees?"

"I heard the trees say there were humans in the woods, and, well, I thought it might be my friend Sine, coming to check on me, and I didn't want her to be hurt, so I came to see and take her home." They looked down sadly. "But it's not her." They brightened with a bit of confusion. "But that's a good thing, isn't it? She's safe! And besides, you're very nice." They fluttered their leaf cape happily, then started.
"Oh! And I can talk to any trees, better nearby, as long as there is earth between us." They reached a branch out and tapped his boot. "That's why I was able to tickle your root." They giggled.

Perhaps if they'd been connected to the forest outside the camp, they would have noticed or been warned of the impending traveler barreling through the tree branches like an ape.

As it was, Leeva didn't know about them until suddenly there they here, having burst out of the bushes to stand just a few feet from them.

The warning spell had, alas, failed again.

Leeva's response was to immediately find the tallest tree next to them, which just happened to be Rizali's head, eliciting a startled cry from him, but from there they jumped into the tree and hid in the tallest branches.

It was only when they felt safe in the company of the entire forest that they considered that poor Rizali was all alone at the base of the tree with the—

—well, the whatever whomever whichever it was.

They slowly lowered to the lowest branch again, wondering what on earth had just happened. The stranger and Rizali faced each other.

"Who are you?" Leeva asked the stranger.


People from outside the forest live with such surprise and suddenness! Sheesh!
#12
Spam / Re: Corruption Game
December 19, 2019, 12:16:11 PM
Granted, it smells bad. (IRL my carpet smells)

I wish I had better guitar playing skills.
#13
Roleplay / Re: OoC: A Voice from the Storm
December 18, 2019, 12:50:00 PM
Oooo, so the forest is, like, double mysterious.

I like it!
#14
Roleplay / Re: OoC: A Voice from the Storm
December 17, 2019, 01:21:51 PM
Aaaaah, yes that makes sense. In that case the civilization could be however whatever, so it works xD
#15
Roleplay / Re: OoC: A Voice from the Storm
December 16, 2019, 10:32:06 PM
I really like your idea of the leader. I think that could make some really interesting plot points and character interactions. My question is, if the military is so strong, why'd they make a barrier out of trees? Or did they do it or someone else?
#16
General Discussion / Re: General Discussion
December 15, 2019, 11:42:16 AM
Not get to you? What are you, an android? xD Having feelings is okay, getting hurt is okay, it's what makes us human. Your feelings are valid and need attention, not doing so is like refusing to eat because you "shouldn't" be hungry.

Well, we are humans, and that is a good thing.
#17
General Discussion / Re: General Discussion
December 14, 2019, 07:43:03 PM
That sounds like something that would really, really hurt. I sorry, Alexis :'( It was very inconsiderate to just expect you to go by yourself and then also get yourself home alone. I would feel very uninvited by that. I wouldn't feel very wanted.
#18
General Discussion / Re: General Discussion
December 14, 2019, 01:23:40 PM
Hey Casimir! You've been missed! I hope things start to look better for you. You can jump right back in to the RP when you're ready, but don't pressure yourself ^.^ We're just glad to have you here!!!
#19
It's so frikkin pretty!!! Would totally host a party there! ^.^
#20
General Discussion / Re: The Welcoming Committee
December 14, 2019, 01:20:54 PM
Hola new friend!

Hopefully we will be seeing more of you!