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I've never liked the phrase "guilty pleasure" because I don't think people ought to feel bad for having hobbies they enjoy. I've got an obscene amount of time sunk into ShellShock Live and I'm sometimes prone to watching random stuff on Youtube instead of anything more valuable, but I don't think anything good comes of putting yourself down over something like that.

It just snowed? for like five minutes, but instead of snowflakes it was tiny solid white orbs. Like hail, but softer and falling slower. They're now melting away.

How's everyone else's day going?

Welcome!

Trivia request: Where does the name Pen Nib come from?

The issues with coordination are why I somewhat prefer the asynchronous format, so it's not forced to work around everybody's schedules or otherwise leave them out. I'd be up for pretty much anything that's not horror, but I don't know how we'd decide on something.

Horror games freak me out. I get uneasy playing stuff that's not even meant to be scary, there's no way I'm sitting down to something full of jump scares. Maybe if there were one that were all atmosphere and no deliberately jarring moments, like a less abstract Yume Nikki, but no more than that.

I really like that idea. Environmental stuff is important.

I've been absent here for too long, most recently because of the stress of the holiday season, and one of the ways I've been staying sane is watching lots of movies. Would anyone be interested in some kind of a group thing around that? I know a lot of communities do movie nights where everyone watches or streams something together and talks about it, and I've also seen it done in more of a book club style where people watch on their own time and reply back with discussion when they've collected their thoughts. Either could be fun.

[Monday, January 13, 2020]

This is a copy of the message I posted in chat, as I feel it's relevant to the conversation. I'll write something more specific later.

~

A lot has been said and written about the core problems with Discord as a platform: the shallow relationships it fosters, the gamification of social interactions, the malleable nature of a community's culture, etc. That's all top-down stuff. I'm not really here to talk about that. The unspoken and much more interesting question is "How does all of that actually affect a community?"

In the past, the CalRef Discord server provided a hub for a small core at a time when there was little active development going on outside. For a time, that server was CalRef. That time has come to pass. The distance that's formed between the members of this community is painful. Perhaps it's been magnified by the split in communication between the forums and chat. Perhaps it's because it's trivially easy to not be your best self in an instantaneous chat setting, and those instances which may otherwise be throwaway comments make the atmosphere less tolerable to others. I'd love to be able to understand what exactly has happened here, but I don't see much value in spitballing right now. Because I wasn't able or willing to hanlde this sooner, the consequences are here and we have no choice but to address them now, regardless of the cause.

At one time in the past, we made the decision to delete a potential secondary Discord server, fearing that it would siphon too much activity from the primary chat and leave two lifeless twin communities. It's time to make that same determination. Barring intervention from the arch-administrator, the CalRef Discord server will be deleted on Monday, January 13, 2020. The primary site of activity will become the forums at http://calref.cc, and this is where we'll continue to connect with one another and foster a closer sense of community. I hope everybody will be willing to follow us over and give it a shot. For those who won't, I think you'll at least understand why this is necessary.

Hi Wisdom! Welcome to CalRef! Let me know if you have any questions.

Hello new folk! It's nice seeing some fresh faces here.

Yeah, that's a lousy thing they did. But unresolved tension is always stressful, and you might need to directly address it to keep it from becoming a point of quiet resentment.

Welcome Pykes! Good to have you here. And it's nice to see you back too, Samu. ^_^

Oof, that's awful. I hope nothing was damaged.

Granted, but the only dance you can ever do is the Worm.

I wish we'd get some snow here this winter.

[Trans Day of Remembrance]

Today, November 20th, is the annual Trans Day of Remembrance. While pride events are celebratory, TDoR tells a more solemn story. This is the day we memorialize transgender individuals who have lost their lives to hate crimes, and acknowledge that the fight for queer rights, acceptance, and safety is far from over.

I'm going to share some statistics here, but I especially want to drive home that the reporting you'll read elsewhere is very likely to be US-centric. You might see mainstream outlets like USA Today cite a figure of 22 trans or gender nonconforming people having been killed this year, but that's 22 people in the United States alone. Additionally, TDoR tradition is to track deaths between autumn of one year and the next rather than January and December, and interpreting what counts as anti-trans violence can be slightly subjective, so data from different sources may vary.

So, let's talk numbers. The link in the first paragraph contains a plain text list of people killed with dates and causes, but that's pretty hard to parse. is a basic breakdown of murders between October 1st, 2018 and September 30th, 2019. Brazil had 130 reported deaths during that time; Mexico had 63; the United States comes in third with 31 killings, almost as many as were found in all Asian countries in this dataset. In total, 331 trans or GNC people died to hate crimes during this period. This is down from the , in which 369 deaths were found, but it is indicative of a in the US over the last several years.

That last link, though it measures year-to-year rather than fall-to-fall and doesn't have this year's data yet, gives us some more insight into vulnerable populations. 46% of victims from 2008 to 2018 were in their 20s. Of those for whom an occupation was reported, a majority were sex workers - it's not uncommon for trans people to have to turn to prostitution to get by, and they're at very high risk for violence, especially if they're people of colour. The most statistically fatal European country for trans people is Turkey, but its death toll across a ten year span is still less than the average yearly total in Brazil or Mexico. There's also info on cause and location of death if you care to click through for it.

From January 1st, 2008 to date, at least 3,314 people have died globally to reported anti-trans hate crimes. This should be taken as a conservative figure, however, as violence against minorities often goes misreported or unreported, and there are certainly other victims whose gender identities are inaccurate on the record. A basic breakdown of these long-term statistics is provided in the graphic below. The general trends are in line with both the ten year aggregate described above and this year's statistics. (Infographic source: https://transrespect.org/en/tmm-update-trans-day-of-remembrance-2019/)

Finally, there is a more detailed record of 2019 victims, compiled by TGEU, which you can find . I'm putting a big content warning on this link, as it contains not just the victims' names and locations, but sources and quotes about the circumstances of their murders. It gets pretty heavy, but I'm leaving it here because the reality that people are facing needs to be acknowledged and confronted. Human rights don't begin and end at the limits of liberal cities, or at the US border.

So what does all this mean? The purpose of TDoR is not to bemoan the status quo, nor is it to admonish cis people for the actions of their broad group. If you're clicking past headlines thinking "So what?", the takeaway should be that things can be better, and minor actions can help make a difference; every raindrop contributes to the flood. When you show support toward your trans or GNC colleagues, you build trust that makes them less likely to reach into dark places looking for acceptance. When you call out hateful rhetoric or behavior, you stand a chance to prevent it from escalating and embolden others to speak up as well. When you educate others on queer issues, you're helping to counter fake news and fearmongering which directly feeds the number of fatalities above. And that's not even getting into the shockingly high rate of suicide attempts among trans people, or nonlethal abuse and harassment. We have the ability to make a difference in the lives of those around us - that's the point of all this. Ask questions, critique the methodology, content yourself with subtle shows of support, whatever, but do something.

Cats
Bunnies
Deer
Chipmunks
Some kind of bird... woodpeckers, maybe, or blue herons

Name the first five animals you can think of that begin with the letter "R"

I think you're vastly underestimating the coasting momentum of vehicles.

Granted. You know how to draw exceptionally well, but your fingers no longer have joints.

I wish we had more pie.

Sur-rup seems weird to me. Is it a southern thing? Would lyric be pronounced lur-ric?

Granted, but you become exceedingly anxious with self-doubt when you start writing a post and never actually manage to send a message.

I wish it were December.

What sort of shows are those, in terms of genre/content?